Setting- Afternoon, behind the cash registers at Barnes and Noble #2995
Characters- Courtney Marlowe- a dear though often cranky friend, Jon Biscoe- who taught me to play better Madden Football (he really improved my defense), and myself.
Andrew: Hey Courtney.
Courtney: Hey Andrew.
Andrew: I have a favor to ask.
Courtney: Uh huh.
Andrew: Well, a couple weeks ago me and Allison were saying that before she moved away we should get really drunk one night and pee on the Country Club of Virginia. [This is a big racist country club on the way home from work where the foul rich people go to eat free shrimp and grease there fat bodies with cocoa butter and have young Negroes tote their golf clubs. I should also note that I don't know how serious Allison was about doing this, but I felt that if I could get Courtney in on it Allison would be more likely to follow through.]
Courtney: No, I'm not going to do that.
Andrew: But I didn't want you to.
Courtney: Oh.
Andrew: Yeah. It's just that you know, it's not really legal, and we're gonna be drunk and probably want to make a fast get-away.
Courtney: So you want me to drive.
Andrew: Right.
Courtney: No, I'm not doing that.
Andrew: I thought you would be up for it.
Courtney: Remember the pool? No way. [Last summer Courtney and some of my other friends were caught breaking into a pool in Henrico County. They didn't get into any real trouble, but they were yelled at for several hours by an angry policeman and the owner of the pool, and ever since then everyone involved has been timid about defying the man.]
Andrew: Jon would do it.
Jon: What would I do?
Andrew: Drive the getaway car so me and Allison could pee on the Country Club of Virginia.
Jon: Yeah, I would do that, but I am working tonight.
Courtney: God Andrew, you always do this. I say I don't want to do something, and then you nag me about it and try to make me feel bad. [She is right, I always do this.]
Andrew: I don't want you to feel bad, I want you to do it.
Courtney: NO.
Andrew: Why not?
Courtney: Cause I don't want to get arrested.
Andrew: Fine be like that, old lady.
Courtney: Fuck you, asshole.
Andrew: Your mom. [The part where we called each other names is imaginary.]
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3 comments:
I can't believe I don't get invited to do such fun things! I'm a pro at public urination. Is that the country club off of Cary/Huegenot? I always imagined meeting my future husband there...I don't want him to be racist though.
I don't know how to sign in so I'll be anon.
Forget CCV. I can tell you stories about hurling right at the gates from a decade or so ago and it didn't sate anybody's hunger for F-you revenge. Let me introduce you to bigger fish-The Commonwealth Club. I believe they still exclude women, while CCV does not, and I got good and tipsy at a shinding there, while decked out in an 11$ dress and that felt good...let me tell you...
M.K.
Hey-I'm trying to post a comment here and it won't let me....this is discrimination....
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