On Beards- Their Pros and Cons

I first grew a beard right after I graduated college in May of 2002, breaking a vow I had sworn not to grow facial hair before the age of thirty. I had observed that most young men who grow beards or mustaches didn't really pull it off. I often heard them described as having pubic hair on their face. I myself briefly owned a mustache when I was 13 or 14, a pre-shaving, in-denial-that-I-ought-to-be-shaving mustache, which may still be seen clearly in my yearbook photos of both 8th and 9th grade. It was when I finally shaved the ratty peachfuzz from my lip that I promised myself I would go clean-shaven until I was older, and facial hair would better suit me. I projected older to be roughly 30.
So why did I break this solemn vow to myself, and why was I so impatient that I did so in the month of May, hardly prime beard season? I would say that the primary motive for growing facial hair, in my case and in most others, is a desire to look older. In my case specifically, having just graduated college and feeling like I was expected to be an adult, I felt a need to look the part. So I grew a beard, and went from looking 17 to looking 19 and a half. I liked the change, and have kept a beard, off and on, ever since.
Recently I have been considering whether to shave my beard off for the summer (something that I consider every now and then, but which only happens accidentally, if I make a mistake trimming), and I have decided to make a list of beard pros and cons, not to help myself decide but to advise others who may be thinking about taking one on for themselves.

Beard Pro #1-
A beard makes you look older (see above).

Beard Con #1-
If a beard is not thick enough it will not make you look older, it will make you look stupid. Someone will say you have pubic hair on your face (it's actually a commonly used expression).

Beard Pro #2-
Some members of the opposite sex will compliment your beard. "Don't shave your beard," they will say giving you a much needed boost of self-esteem, "your beard is hot." Some members of your own sex might do so also (Mike Roth said mine made me look like a "stud." His ridiculous word, not mine).

Beard Con #2-
For every person who likes your beard, another will not. Some may even be scared of you. "Ew, shave that off," they will say. "You look like a child molester."

Beard Pro #3-
A mustache serves to protect your upper lip. This can be particularly helpful when you have a cold, and repeated contact with tissues can make your lip red and sore. A mustache acts as a lip shield.

Beard Con #3-
Things get caught in a mustache, food and drink particularly. If you do get a cold you must be careful to avoid getting boogers in it.

Beard Pro #4(kind of obvious)-
A beard keeps your face warm in winter.

Beard Con #4(equally obvious)-
A beard makes your face hot in summer.

So, to sum up-
Beard Advice from the Experienced Beard Owner
1. Don't grow one if you can't do it right; you'll look like a jackass.
2. Take a running tally of how many people like your beard and how many don't, and then keep it or shave it off accordingly.
3. If you have a mustache drink with a straw and only blow your nose in front of a mirror.
4. Change with the seasons.
I feel certain that if you follow these four easy rules you too can have many years of beard success.