Clay and Andrew Land at War

About a week after Clay and I posted our declaration of independence on the door, our friend Scarlet wrote something like "Clay and Andrew Land sucks!" on our dry-erase board. We responded with the following:

At some point in the last week or so war was declared against Clay and Andrew Land, by parties which are as of yet unidentified. This brazen act of cowardice has taken our small nation unawares and destroyed the simple naivete that had heretofore been such a defining characteristic of our daily life. Clay is particularly upset, and has been on the phone with his parents constantly.
Though we confess we don’t recall the exact date of this vicious attack on our way of life, we feel safe in stating that the second week of October is a week that will live in infamy.
Before the month is out, Clay and Andrew Land will most likely take steps to revenge itself on its enemy, who we believe to be Scarlet, and whom we believe is being harbored by Mercer Hall. Only when this nefarious and cowardly villain is brought to justice will the residents of Clay and Andrew Land be able to once more sleep soundly in their beds, secure in the knowledge that they are invincible and better than everybody else. Notice of a Conscription Act shall be forthcoming.
Terrorists may write mean things on our door, but they will never write mean things on our hearts; and though they prevent us from being as happy-go-lucky as we once were, they will never prevent us from getting our chill on.

I also wrote a stanza for our national anthem, so here's that too-

God bless Clay and Andrew,
With them doth freedom dwell.
God bless Clay and Andrew Land,
Where everything is swell.

Finally, in the interest of getting all the Clay and Andrew Land stuff out there so I won't use it as a crutch the next time I can't think of anything to write, we had our draft, which we began by posting our Conscription Act on the door.
Hear Ye, Hear ye-
In order to combat the evil which strikes at the very heart of Clay and Andrew Land, We have decided to have mandatory Conscription for all males between the ages of 20 and 25, which in this case is everyone. The words “Soldier” and “Civilian” will be written on little bits of paper and drawn out of a hat or something. Whoever draws the scrap of paper that says, “Soldier” will become the army. He will then protect the civilian, except for one day of the month when he will go on leave and the “Civilian” will be left to fend for himself. This vital information will be kept secret so that the dread-pirate Scarface doesn't’t try to catch us with our pants down, which would be just like her.

Results will be announced by week’s end.

I don't really remember who was the soldier, but I think it was Clay. The following week we made an anonymous phone call to Scarlet's room at 2am, and though I don't really remember what we said it might have been, "Don't fuck with Clay and Andrew Land, biotch!"
Having won our war on terror with this single brilliant maneuver, we soon thereafter became concerned with schoolwork and put our country on the back-burner. Founding a nation is hard when you have to write papers; be grateful that Washington and Jefferson had finished college and could focus on being patriotic.