I Send Another Letter to Another President

A few weeks ago Steve Riggio, Barnes and Noble President and CEO, issued a proclamation requesting that all Barnes and Noble employees e-mail him a list of the five words they think of when they think of Barnes and Noble. Everyone at work had a good laugh over it (my friend Jon said one of his words would be paycheck), and then, our fun had, we put it from our minds.
Last week Steve Riggio posted results. He said that the number one response had been "books", and that he was disappointed with our responses, or lack there of. He asked us to try again.
So last night I gave it a shot. Of course, I couldn't just send five words, I had to send more. And of course, I couldn't be courteous and respectful, I had to try to be funny. So I sent him the e-mail pasted below, and immediately afterwards began to fear for my job. What if Steve Riggio has no sense of humor? What if he makes my managers fire me? It would make a good story, but in the mean time I would be unemployed.
Maybe if they do fire me I'll finally get over my childhood fascination with Hawkeye Pierce. Maybe then at long last I'll be able to put aside my rebellious, wildman tendencies, stop spitting in the face of the man, and fly right.


Dear Steve,
Sorry I didn't respond the first time, I thought you were just being funny. When you followed up with a second request, I knew you were for real. Before I get to my words though, I have some questions for you:
1. How much do you make? I make $8.25 an hour. I know you're thinking, "Gee, that's below the poverty line!" You're right, it is, but I love being a bookseller too much to quit.
2. Can I have a job at home office? I'm really really smart, and I went to college.
3. Do you want to hang out with me? I like Madden Football. We could play together, only you have to promise to let me be the Colts--that's my team.
4. Do you know Rage Kindelsperger? That's an awesome name.
5. Isn't Barnes and Noble awesome? It's so cool to work there, I love it more than ice cream sandwiches.

And now, at long last, my words:

1. Pinochle (cause it's so much fun to work there, like playing a game of pinochle)
2. Quixotic (that means "idealistic to an irrational degree")
3. Profitable (for you monetarily, for me spiritually)
4. Flatulent (the coffee in the cafe makes me a little gassy)
5. Brown (self-explanatory)

I really like that you asked us to do this. You're the rockingest President ever.
Your buddy,
Andrew