I Write a Joke

I like to tell jokes, and do so often to mixed reviews. Unfortunately, my repetoire is limited, usually by memory rather than taste. Everyone I know has heard me tell "Mickey talks to his divorce attorney" five thousand and one times, and even with my devastatingly effective use of a Mickey Mouse voice on the line "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy," it wears thin. Likewise the pun about the guy who has his wife killed in the grocery store (Artie chokes two for a dollar at Food Lion), the one about Jesus being well hung, and even the one about the opposite of Christopher Reeve being Christopher Walken. In an effort to inject some much needed life into my joke repertoire I have written my first original joke. I like it very much, and what it lacks in actual humor it makes up for with misdirection and a literary reference that makes me look borderline well-read.


An elephant walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What? Get out of here! Goddamn, there's an elephant in my bar. Shoo!"
The elephant tramples the bartender, not out of any malice but just because it's an elephant and it doesn't know better.
Then George Orwell shows up, a crowd of expectant Indians trailing behind him, and shoots the thing.
A wonderful essay is written.

the end