Today as I rummaged through my room I found a creative writing folder from third grade. My memories of third grade are sketchy-- I remember that my teacher was Ms. Naomi H. Bethea, and she demanded that we speak with "boldness, confidence, and strenth." I remember that when she said this she never pronounced the "g" in "strength." I remember not being particularly well lked, and I remember that this was because I was a horrible kissass. Naomi H. Bethea adored me, and seemed to let me do whatever I wanted. I vividly remember her giving me M&M's for knowing what "U.S.S.R." stood for.
I remember that one day at recess, with Ms. Bethea looking on, I organized a skit about the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Four chairs represented the Lincoln convertible. A little boy named Frankie stood on a chair representing the Texas book depository and yelled "BANG BANG," at which point a little boy named Ronyell slumped over in the fake car, and a girl named Tianca exclaimed "Oh my husband!"
Another skit about Richard Nixon was less successful.
Back to my folder.
In my third grade creative writing folder is a 6 page booklet titled "Icebergs are Dangerous," complete with illustrations and the story of the Titanic:
"Soon they hit an iceberg. At first people weren't scared. But soon they were. More than 1,500 people died.
There is also a story about two of my classmates, Lionel and Jerrmy, who save Ronald Reagan from a witch carrying a shotgun. Another tells of a scuba diver who is caught by a giant fish with a hamburger on a line.
There is a one page essay on negative peer pressure, including the line:
"Say no to negative peer pressure. I can kill you." (This was not a mistake. I know it isn't because I found three drafts all worded exactly the same way.)
But I think my favorite is the following story, told exclusively through dialogue and based on numerous real conversations with my mother, none of which ended this way.
The Food Problem, by Andy E.
"Mother I'm hungry."
"Sorry. We're all out of food."
"Why can't we buy some?"
"We don't have any money."
"I have some."
"I'm too busy. I have to do this paper. You know I'm trying to get that exam."
"But I'm hungry!"
"Well tough luck."
"Why do you have to go to college."
"Because I'm trying to become a librarian, which will give us money so we can pay for the house and buy you food."
"Mother. I will not wait for two years to eat."
"I don't like being broke either. But we are and I have to get this exam."
"Mother. Read my lips. I am hungry [this was 1988, the year that George Bush ran for president]."
"For the 100th time we have no money!"
"So. You have a checking account."
"With no money in it!"
"You have a credit card!"
"I'm sick of this. Go get your little sister we are going to Shoney's."
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1 comment:
andy! you are totally showing off how smart you were when you were little! but its cool. i often tell people that you wrote a play about richard nixon just like max fischer did except you were in 3rd grade and he was in 2nd. but you are real, so you win.
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