We are not supposed to have favorites at work, but we do anyway and it's kind of obvious who they are. We try to act impartial, we try to be strict with them, but the children know, as do we, that certain kids get away with stuff because we sort of, please don't tell anyone cause feelings could get hurt, like them better than everyone else.
My favorite kid left at the end of the summer. She is starting kindergarten this year, and because she has a hard time with change her mom, quite rightly I think, decided to pull her out of our after-school program until she adjusted.
I miss her. She was a lot of work, and she could be hard to deal with, but when something upset her she would walk past three other teachers on her way to me, sobbing "Mistuh Evaton!"
"What's wrong?" I would say, sincerely worried.
"I can't find my card!"
"What?"
"My card!"
"I don't understand you. Your card?"
"MY CENTER CARD YOU MANIAC!"
The kids all have what we call a "license," which is a card with a magnet on it that they put on a board to help us keep track of what room they are in. So I would scoop her up and take her off to find her card, and once it was found, I'd turn her upside down and spin her around in circles for a few minutes until she was dizzy and giggling and yelling "STOP IT YOU MANIAC" and then we'd go draw pictures of crabs, something that she wanted desperately to do just right and would scream when she was unable to start out with a perfect red circle.
"Don't worry, it looks nice" I would say.
"No, it looks stupid," she would say, and waste another piece of paper, making another imperfect red circle, and then another, and then another, until she was again crying and throwing her marker, and I would have to come over and tickle her to cheer her up, and maybe cross my eyes or something, and then her mom would come and she would leave and I would wonder why it is I love a little kid who is such a pain in my ass.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Post-Game Interview
Reporter: Andrew, how does this week's emotional fantasy loss to the Hell Freaks effect you and the team, and how do you bounce back from it?
Andrew: Well, you know, it's really discouraging. The guys thought we were gonna pull this one out, and I did too honestly, but in the end we just didn't get the performances that we needed. Some of us just phoned it in, and I think Jason Whitten, Jamal Lewis and Muhsin Muhammad know what I'm talking about.
Reporter: Is it particularly discouraging that the score was so close?
Andrew: Yeah, any time you come within one point of winning, well that's gonna be a real let down. But you know, we're just taking things one week at a time, and we've gone out and got some new players with funny names, and we're gonna see if those guys make the difference.
Reporter: Are you referring to New York Jets wide receiver Jerricho Cotchery?
Andrew: Yeah, I am.
Reporter: When you see the numbers that some of your bench players like Cotchery or DeAngelo Williams put up, and you think, "Hey, one of them would have won the game for us," how does that feel?
Andrew: Well that's always infuriating, but you can't second guess yourself like that. I mean, the Raiders really suck this year, and you figure if the Chargers can put up like 200 rushing yards against them last week, well so can Jamal Lewis, right? That seemed like a really good call, and I don't think too many people would have disagreed. But the thing I and a lot of other people lost sight of is this: Jamal Lewis ain't LaDanian Tomlinson. Not by a damn sight.
Reporter: You can say that again. One last question: Has the play of first overall pick Larry Johnson been disappointing to you, and are you going to trade him?
Andrew: Well, Larry's been getting a respectable number of yards, but he's not getting to the endzone, and yeah, I'm pretty pissed off right now. Obviously I can't trade him, he's too important, but when you think that if he had just scored one touchdown this week and one last week we might have won both of those games, well, I mean, what can you say? "Fuck that douchebag" I guess about sums it up.
Andrew: Well, you know, it's really discouraging. The guys thought we were gonna pull this one out, and I did too honestly, but in the end we just didn't get the performances that we needed. Some of us just phoned it in, and I think Jason Whitten, Jamal Lewis and Muhsin Muhammad know what I'm talking about.
Reporter: Is it particularly discouraging that the score was so close?
Andrew: Yeah, any time you come within one point of winning, well that's gonna be a real let down. But you know, we're just taking things one week at a time, and we've gone out and got some new players with funny names, and we're gonna see if those guys make the difference.
Reporter: Are you referring to New York Jets wide receiver Jerricho Cotchery?
Andrew: Yeah, I am.
Reporter: When you see the numbers that some of your bench players like Cotchery or DeAngelo Williams put up, and you think, "Hey, one of them would have won the game for us," how does that feel?
Andrew: Well that's always infuriating, but you can't second guess yourself like that. I mean, the Raiders really suck this year, and you figure if the Chargers can put up like 200 rushing yards against them last week, well so can Jamal Lewis, right? That seemed like a really good call, and I don't think too many people would have disagreed. But the thing I and a lot of other people lost sight of is this: Jamal Lewis ain't LaDanian Tomlinson. Not by a damn sight.
Reporter: You can say that again. One last question: Has the play of first overall pick Larry Johnson been disappointing to you, and are you going to trade him?
Andrew: Well, Larry's been getting a respectable number of yards, but he's not getting to the endzone, and yeah, I'm pretty pissed off right now. Obviously I can't trade him, he's too important, but when you think that if he had just scored one touchdown this week and one last week we might have won both of those games, well, I mean, what can you say? "Fuck that douchebag" I guess about sums it up.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Why Doesn't Anyone Else Care About This Stuff?
I've been sick for two weeks with some sort of sinus infection that my doctor described as "one of those bugs." He smirked when he said this, and went on to tell me that it was good that I had come in, that my weekend was going to be horrible, but that he would try to "head it off at the pass." He then handed me a prescription for augmentin and three free samples of decongestant medication his office is being paid to advertise by pharmaceutical companies.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Louis Chisholm! That will be $20!
In the middle of this illness I found solace in two completely unrelated, rather small events that, though trivial, raised me from my gloom. Head held high, I blew the fluid from my nose, looked that small army of hyperactive children in the eyes, and said "Here you children, though some have called thee mighty and dreadful, thou art not so!"
1. This week HBO renewed The Wire for a fifth and final season.
and
2. Someone in my fantasy football league traded me Carson Palmer for Corey Dillon and Laurence Maroney.
It is in my nature to share the things that make me happy with those around me, and I told all my coworkers and friends about my good fortune. After being humored in different degrees by several, it was as I told my boss about Carson Palmer that I realized that my happiness, while important to me, is inherently boring to others. My boss put a good face on it, smiled and congratulated me on my trade and my favorite tv show, but in her eyes I could see the blank stare of courtesy. She's too nice a person to tell me to go away.
RE: The Wire
I've been meaning to write about The Wire, greatest show in the history of television, for a long time, and I will put it off yet again so as not to shortchange it. For now I'll suffice to say that hearing it had been renewed, in spite of low ratings, shocked me in the best possible way: apparently people aren't always motivated by greed, and sometimes things do work out the way we want them to.
RE: Fantasy Football--
My first week of fantasy football did not go well, and I would like to put it in terms that people unfamiliar with fantasy sports or football in general can understand.
Imagine that a movie was coming out that starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, Toni Collete, Michael Caine, Flava Flave (who turns out to be BRILLIANT), and the somehow resuscitated corpse of Jimmy Stewart. Suspend disbelief a second further and pretend that this cast existed, somehow worked well together, and that the movie was getting great word of mouth from people you respected. And then you saw it and found out you had somehow missed that this was a remake of Cannonball Run II.
That was my first week of fantasy football: lots of hype, a lot of players who were supposed to be amazing, and none of them did a goddamn thing. I lost to my friend Jon, who I was watching the games with, and he spent the afternoon half-heartedly making fun of me. I think part of him wanted to enjoy the win, but the other half felt too sorry for me to really get into it. We ate burgers, and I yelled "GODDAMN YOU LARRY JOHNSON" and things of that nature, and I went home angry with a headache, too sick to drink the beer I thought might have made things better.
On Tuesday when Traci wrote to ask if I wanted Carson Palmer in exchange for two of my back-up players, it seemed like a chance for a fresh start. Again the movie comparison: this is equivalent to getting Edward Norton in exchange for Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ricky Jay. After some complications, the trade has gone through, and I will be starting my new quarterback today against Chuck's Hell Freaks. In spite of my new acquisition I fully expect to lose again, and I'll probably tell my boss about it.
"That's too bad Andrew, really. I'm sure Carmen will do better next week. How are you feeling? Better? Glad to hear it. Now can you head next door and make me some copies?"
Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Louis Chisholm! That will be $20!
In the middle of this illness I found solace in two completely unrelated, rather small events that, though trivial, raised me from my gloom. Head held high, I blew the fluid from my nose, looked that small army of hyperactive children in the eyes, and said "Here you children, though some have called thee mighty and dreadful, thou art not so!"
1. This week HBO renewed The Wire for a fifth and final season.
and
2. Someone in my fantasy football league traded me Carson Palmer for Corey Dillon and Laurence Maroney.
It is in my nature to share the things that make me happy with those around me, and I told all my coworkers and friends about my good fortune. After being humored in different degrees by several, it was as I told my boss about Carson Palmer that I realized that my happiness, while important to me, is inherently boring to others. My boss put a good face on it, smiled and congratulated me on my trade and my favorite tv show, but in her eyes I could see the blank stare of courtesy. She's too nice a person to tell me to go away.
RE: The Wire
I've been meaning to write about The Wire, greatest show in the history of television, for a long time, and I will put it off yet again so as not to shortchange it. For now I'll suffice to say that hearing it had been renewed, in spite of low ratings, shocked me in the best possible way: apparently people aren't always motivated by greed, and sometimes things do work out the way we want them to.
RE: Fantasy Football--
My first week of fantasy football did not go well, and I would like to put it in terms that people unfamiliar with fantasy sports or football in general can understand.
Imagine that a movie was coming out that starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, Toni Collete, Michael Caine, Flava Flave (who turns out to be BRILLIANT), and the somehow resuscitated corpse of Jimmy Stewart. Suspend disbelief a second further and pretend that this cast existed, somehow worked well together, and that the movie was getting great word of mouth from people you respected. And then you saw it and found out you had somehow missed that this was a remake of Cannonball Run II.
That was my first week of fantasy football: lots of hype, a lot of players who were supposed to be amazing, and none of them did a goddamn thing. I lost to my friend Jon, who I was watching the games with, and he spent the afternoon half-heartedly making fun of me. I think part of him wanted to enjoy the win, but the other half felt too sorry for me to really get into it. We ate burgers, and I yelled "GODDAMN YOU LARRY JOHNSON" and things of that nature, and I went home angry with a headache, too sick to drink the beer I thought might have made things better.
On Tuesday when Traci wrote to ask if I wanted Carson Palmer in exchange for two of my back-up players, it seemed like a chance for a fresh start. Again the movie comparison: this is equivalent to getting Edward Norton in exchange for Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ricky Jay. After some complications, the trade has gone through, and I will be starting my new quarterback today against Chuck's Hell Freaks. In spite of my new acquisition I fully expect to lose again, and I'll probably tell my boss about it.
"That's too bad Andrew, really. I'm sure Carmen will do better next week. How are you feeling? Better? Glad to hear it. Now can you head next door and make me some copies?"
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