Apologies

My two most recent entries have offended some people close to me, and I wanted to take a moment to attempt to clarify and apologize. I've already done this privately, but thought it might be nice to do it publicly, to say "HEY EVERYONE, I'M A DOUCHEBAG AND HERE'S WHY."

First, over the last couple of months I have made some unkind remarks about UVA, particularly in one entry on July 29th where things got very personal and I used the word fuck in big capital letters. This irritated a friend of mine, a UVA alumna whom I love dearly, and though she was very polite and perfectly amicable about it she did call me a biggot, which I thought was inaccurate but also sort of reasonable. Cause you know, maybe I make broad stupid generalizations and form opinions quickly with little or no reliable evidence, but I am just as quick to change my mind: many's the movie/vegetable/book/person/second-largest-state-in-the-union I have come to love after an initial heavy loathing. I'm not saying I love UVA now, mind you, only that it's conceivable that at some point in the future I might. If at 25 I can enjoy a clump of raw broccoli then truly anything is possible.
So to sum up apology the first--
Jocelyn, when I say I don't like UVA what I mean is that the place makes me feel stupid. I know I couldn't have gone there and I feel like everyone there is somehow smarter than I am. Which is what that particular entry was supposed to be about, I just wasn't very clear. I'm sorry.

Second, in my August 15 entry I poke gentle fun at my sister, giving an example of a "bad" story she might tell. This offended her, and she wrote a comment to let me know that. I would like to clarify that I don't think my sister tells many bad stories at all, and that the story I was relating wasn't a bad story when she told it. If she does have a tendency to breathlessly string sentences together like the man from the Mighty Machines commercials that's not a criticism, but rather an observation. My version of the story was not meant to be a joke at her expense, but a tribute to someone I think is genuinely really funny. So please don't be mad Sarah; I think you're hilarious.

Third, to the Secretary of State, Dr. Condoleeza Rice, I'm sorry that last April I posted a disgusting story about you in which I described your nipples as "extra large raisins in [my] mouth." That was uncalled for. It's just that I like you so much and don't know how to show it. How about dinner Saturday, pick you up at 8?