Crazy Andrew

Recently I talk to myself-- the by-product of living alone. Perhaps I am slicing onions, and I think of something a co-worker did that irritated me, and perhaps I say "What a stupid asshole" to no one in particular.
Or maybe I am watching football, and I think of something embarrassing I did in the seventh grade. And maybe I voice this embarrassment with a loud, "What a fucking stupid little kid I was."
This happens with alarming frequency, and has become enough of a habit that I forget when I am doing it. More than once I've taken a walk and emerged from a reverie to realize I'd been muttering to myself as the passing homeless eye me with suspicion. I don't know if this means I am crazy, but I do wonder about the future. Maybe when I'm seventy the neighborhood kids will be too afraid to trick-or-treat at my house.
I remember an old schizophrenic man who lived in my neighborhood when I was a boy, who the kids all called "Crazy George." He lived in a ramshackle old house with peeling paint and once when my father parked a car near him he exploded at us, then muttered something barely intelligible about "Motherfuckers and their cars. Shit-- cars. Horses. Fuck." This could be me, in perhaps as little as twenty years.

The other day I was dining at Carytown Burger and saw one of my sister's friends. Friendly guy that he is, he came over to my table to say hello. We spoke for a few minutes, and I said it was good to see him, and he said the same and went on his way.
Awhile later I had finished my meal, and stopped by his table on the way out.
"Hey, it was good seeing you man," I said to him and stuck my hand out.
I guess he's not much for handshaking because he stuck his hand up in the air in a sort of awkward half-wave and grinned.
Taken aback by this unusual gesture, I gave him a high five. Nobody knew what to say after that, so I turned to leave. As I did so, I heard myself say aloud, "I feel weird." The table erupted with laughter as I walked away. Motherfuckers and their handshakes. Shit-- high-fives. Fuck.