Jesus: I just don't know Pete, I mean yeah, I want a following, but it feels so forward to just walk up and suggest someone forget about their job and their family and wander around listening to me talk. I mean, what kind of ego trip is that?
Simon Peter: Listen to yourself-- baby, you know why you don't have any, well there's me and Andrew here of course, but why you don't have that many disciples. Yet. You know, right? Cause you lack confidence baby, and that's just silly.
Jesus- Oh please Pete--
Simon Peter: NO you oh please, you listen. You're beautiful man, you are so money and you don't even know it. Andrew, am I lying?
Andrew: Jesus, you are so money.
Simon Peter: See, baby? Andrew knows. Money. All you gotta do is just start telling the beautiful babies your parables and they'll follow you. They're dying to follow you man. Dying.
Jesus: But I feel like sometimes the parables are kinda vague.
Simon Peter: And THAT's why they're money baby, cause people hear them and they get all confused. They're like, "What's that mean? It sounds all wise and shit, but like over my head. This guy must really know something." And that, that's when you pounce on 'em.
Jesus: Pounce?
Andrew: Pounce.
Jesus: Listen, it's not like I'm a cougar or something here, I'm trying to, I dunno, lead them spiritually or something, not eat them.
Andrew: Maybe that's your problem. You know, maybe they won't listen until you tear them open, find out what's inside them, and then eat it.
Simon Peter: Shut up Andrew-- Jesus, baby, it's a figure of speech. The point is to be a little more sure of yourself, and I mean why not, right? I mean you're the son of God, right? Am I right about that?
Jesus: Yeah, I guess so.
Simon Peter: Of course I'm right. And you've got that awesome story about the mustard seed, right?
Jesus: You really like that one?
Simon Peter: Of course I fucking do man. And you know why, cause you tell it so fuckin' well. You really sell that shit about the mustard seed baby, and I don't even care that I don't understand it. That's how fucking money you are. So put on some fresh cloths cause we're going out, right? Yeah, we're going out and you are gonna recruit some disciples! Disciples baby, yeah!
Jesus reluctantly changes clothes. Swing dancing ensues.
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2 comments:
seriously. you are talented, boy. can you write an essay on mr. show and/or da ali g show and possibly email it to me? preesh, jackie
Thanks Jackie, but what would I say about mr. show or ali g? Any thoughts as to a direction I should take? And will I be paid by the word, or is this a favor? You've given me enough free burgers that I owe you one.
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