Simile Challenge-- Go!

My friend Katie, web designer and aspiring hip hop artist, has a game where she yells out a word (often a verb but it can be almost anything) and then says "Simile Challenge--GO!" and then you are supposed to use the word in a simile. More often, she'll get someone to challange her.
"Hang out," someone might say, prompting Katie to yell, "We're gonna hang out like a sloppy kid's shirt tail!"
Since Katie began this game I have begun to notice similes that I like, and will list a few now.

E. B. White, Goodbye to Forty-Eighth Street
"In New York, a citizen is likely to keep on the move, shopping for the perfect arrangement of rooms and vistas, changing his habitation according to fortune, whim, and need. And in every place he abandons he leaves something vital, it seems to me, and starts his new life somewhat less encrusted like a lobster that has shed its skin and is for a time soft and vulnerable.

Tony Kushner On Pretentiousness
"Baking lasagna has long been my own personal paradigm for writing a play. A good play I think should always feel as though it's only barely been rescued from the brink of chaos, as though all the yummy nutritious ingredient you've thrown into it have almost-but-not-quite succeeded in overwhelming the design. A play should have barely been rescued from the mess it might have just as easily have been; just as each slice of lasagna should stand tall while at the same time betray its entropic desire towards collapse, just as lasagna should seem to want to dissolve into meat and cheese stew, so you can marvel all the more at the culinary engineering magic that holds such entropy at bay, that keeps the unstackable firmly, but not too firmly, stacked."

Katie
"My rhymes are tight like Mother Teresa's vagina."

Somehow it always comes back to disgusting jokes about the sexuality of religious icons.

Jesus is so gay

It's been roughly a month since I wrote something here, and while I'm sure most people could care less, a few nice people have noticed. One such person just yelled at me about it for probably the third time this week. In an effort to make her happy here is something short, totally mediocre, and incredibly offensive-- the best I could do.

The other day at work I was talking to Tommy the receiving manager about his upcoming art show, to be held in the Barnes and Noble Cafe. Tommy's gay, and the discussion steered its way to politics and gay rights, at which point I suggested to Tommy that he paint a picture of George W. Bush sodomizing a man with a cross. I think this image would make a powerful political statement, and while the uproar it would no doubt create would certainly get Tommy fired from his job at Barnes and Noble, it could possibly jump start his career as an artist. It's the sort of thing the national media loves to latch onto.

Brief afterthought- I think it's entirely possible that Jesus was a buttpirate. If He wasn't involved with any women then I believe He had to be. I refuse to believe He wasn't fucking something.

Second afterthought, loosely tied to the first- This one time in high school I asked a fundamentalist Christian girl if she would give Christ head if He asked for it. I regret doing this, but still think it's an interesting question. I wish I had raised it in a more appropriate environment, such as Sunday school.