Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Memory of the Midlothian Public Library
Yesterday's Internet Movie Database movie of the day was Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, starring Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor.
When I was in high school I couldn't afford to rent movies, so I borrowed them from the local public library, which had a decent selection and was free. One day as I picked out an episode of A&E's Poirot, I overheard a girl in braces ask her mother about Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
"That's a musical," her mother said, "Your father and I saw it once when we visited Aunt Sally. It was so sad though, let's get something else."
"I'm sorry," said I, poking my head around the corner in an honest attempt to be helpful, "but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is actually a movie adaptation of a play by Tennessee Williams. I think you have mistaken it for Fiddler on the Roof, the classic Broadway musical about Russian Jews and a patriarch's struggle to accept change. But their both depressing- Ha!"
I don't know if I expected the mother to thank me for correcting her, but I certainly didn't expect the angry stare she gave me. Quickly I went back to looking at the television section. From there I could hear her a moment later, voice full of irritation and sarcasm, explain to her daughter that The Wizard of Oz was about a bank heist and that The Prime of Ms Jean Brodie starred Clint Eastwood, daring me to say something.
When I was in high school I couldn't afford to rent movies, so I borrowed them from the local public library, which had a decent selection and was free. One day as I picked out an episode of A&E's Poirot, I overheard a girl in braces ask her mother about Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
"That's a musical," her mother said, "Your father and I saw it once when we visited Aunt Sally. It was so sad though, let's get something else."
"I'm sorry," said I, poking my head around the corner in an honest attempt to be helpful, "but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is actually a movie adaptation of a play by Tennessee Williams. I think you have mistaken it for Fiddler on the Roof, the classic Broadway musical about Russian Jews and a patriarch's struggle to accept change. But their both depressing- Ha!"
I don't know if I expected the mother to thank me for correcting her, but I certainly didn't expect the angry stare she gave me. Quickly I went back to looking at the television section. From there I could hear her a moment later, voice full of irritation and sarcasm, explain to her daughter that The Wizard of Oz was about a bank heist and that The Prime of Ms Jean Brodie starred Clint Eastwood, daring me to say something.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
As Promised, Annie.
Courtney Marlowe strolled into her old Barnes & Noble with a large Ukrop's bag in one hand and fury in her heart. She headed straight to the children's department.
Overhead she heard Jenny Scharrar's pleasant voice welcoming everyone to attend storytime.
"Today we're reading stories about Spring! Maybe we'll have a visit from Harry the adorable Easter chick! In our children's department in five minutes!"
As she walked through the store shelvers waved to Courtney.
"Hey girl, how's the new job?!" they called out, but she ignored them.
She strode purposefully into the children's department, and waited for storytime to begin. As the children came in, loud and irritating as ever, the anger inside her began to bubble up to the surface. Her face twisted with rage. Just as Jenny came in leading a small bookseller in a baby chicken suit, Courtney snapped. She opened her bag, and brought out a couple hundred dollars worth of sushi, some yellowtail, some eel, but mostly spicy tuna. She grabbed four pieces and crammed them into the mouth of the nearest child, who instantly started screaming, pieces of rice and raw fish spraying everywhere as she sobbed. People froze as Courtney moved through the throng, stuffing sushi into kids mouths. Several mothers bolted for the exit, leaving their children behind.
Everywhere children were bawling and spitting sushi. Several boys swallowed theirs and began running around telling everyone how good it was.
Jenny paged "MANAGER 1 TO THE CHILDREN' DEPARTMENT!" and moments later Paula dashed in. Jenny briefed her, and she stepped in to handle things.
"Courtney, if you don't leave now I am calling the police. And you are banned. For life."
Courtney crammed a large wad of wasabi paste up Paula's nose.
Leaving Paula sobbing on the floor, she turned, threw her remaining rolls at a few select parents, and ran out of the store as fast as she could. Nobody's sure, but it sounded like she yelled "SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS" as she went.
Annie-
Sorry I couldn't honor your request to make Courtney naked in this story-- it would have been too over the top.
Have a suggestion for a story? Requests may be sent to aever2hd@hotmail.com, or posted as a comment.
Overhead she heard Jenny Scharrar's pleasant voice welcoming everyone to attend storytime.
"Today we're reading stories about Spring! Maybe we'll have a visit from Harry the adorable Easter chick! In our children's department in five minutes!"
As she walked through the store shelvers waved to Courtney.
"Hey girl, how's the new job?!" they called out, but she ignored them.
She strode purposefully into the children's department, and waited for storytime to begin. As the children came in, loud and irritating as ever, the anger inside her began to bubble up to the surface. Her face twisted with rage. Just as Jenny came in leading a small bookseller in a baby chicken suit, Courtney snapped. She opened her bag, and brought out a couple hundred dollars worth of sushi, some yellowtail, some eel, but mostly spicy tuna. She grabbed four pieces and crammed them into the mouth of the nearest child, who instantly started screaming, pieces of rice and raw fish spraying everywhere as she sobbed. People froze as Courtney moved through the throng, stuffing sushi into kids mouths. Several mothers bolted for the exit, leaving their children behind.
Everywhere children were bawling and spitting sushi. Several boys swallowed theirs and began running around telling everyone how good it was.
Jenny paged "MANAGER 1 TO THE CHILDREN' DEPARTMENT!" and moments later Paula dashed in. Jenny briefed her, and she stepped in to handle things.
"Courtney, if you don't leave now I am calling the police. And you are banned. For life."
Courtney crammed a large wad of wasabi paste up Paula's nose.
Leaving Paula sobbing on the floor, she turned, threw her remaining rolls at a few select parents, and ran out of the store as fast as she could. Nobody's sure, but it sounded like she yelled "SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS" as she went.
Annie-
Sorry I couldn't honor your request to make Courtney naked in this story-- it would have been too over the top.
Have a suggestion for a story? Requests may be sent to aever2hd@hotmail.com, or posted as a comment.
Who Says UC Berkley is Politically Biased?
Check out the results of this study, carried out over the last twenty years at UC Berkley, with results just published in Journal of Research Into Personality . Maybe it is biased, maybe it doesn't really mean anything, but it's a lot of fun.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Sometimes Stealing is Accidental
I often wonder how much of what I write is original work and how much of it is the regurgitation of jokes, stories, ideas, phrases, etc. that I read in the past and forgot about.
Just now I was talking to a friend and made a joke about "finishing the internet." I liked this well enough that I briefly considered writing a brief post wherein I would finish the internet and discuss what I learned. But something seemed off, somehow familiar.
So I googled "finished the internet" and came up with about 800 hits. It turns out my joke came from a commercial, I can't remember what for-- possibly digital Cable, possibly car insurance.
My Influences
Woody Allen
E. B. White
P. G. Wodehouse
The Geico lizard
Just now I was talking to a friend and made a joke about "finishing the internet." I liked this well enough that I briefly considered writing a brief post wherein I would finish the internet and discuss what I learned. But something seemed off, somehow familiar.
So I googled "finished the internet" and came up with about 800 hits. It turns out my joke came from a commercial, I can't remember what for-- possibly digital Cable, possibly car insurance.
My Influences
Woody Allen
E. B. White
P. G. Wodehouse
The Geico lizard
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